Advice on learning to understand men who have been in the war?!?
ByI’m dating a guy who was over in Afghanistan for a year – he’s seen and done a lot of stuff. It has affected him greatly.
I truly care for him and want to be able to empathize, understand him, and learn to cope with him the best way I can. It’s not easy breaking through the walls up – but we have a wonderful relationship as deep as it can be right now with plenty of space.
Are their any websites with information on this kind of stuff? What may have been done psychologically to him? What he may be dealing with? How to help him cope or break free from anything?
I just need some information – I know I will never come close to understanding what he’s seen – But I’d like to be the best girlfriend possible and understand what I can – or at least have a better idea.
I don’t even know where to start. Any advice will be wonderful.
Thank you!! And God bless our troops!!!
8 Comments
January 16th, 2011 at 6:32 pm
well i can tell you if hes infantry hes seen a lot.
u may want to refrain from:
loud noises
suprizing him (like scaring him)
being too needy
asking him what he saw or did
playing pranks on him
yelling/ screaming
almost anything could make him go crazy if he has a bad case of post traumatic stress disorder. it shouldnt be that bad tho because the violence going on isnt that great like it was years ago.
January 16th, 2011 at 6:59 pm
There is no way for you to understand, especially if he was in combat. Your best bet is to be patient and tolerant, understand an accept mood swings, but do not accept disrespect or bad behavior. Love the sinner, but hate the sin is always good advice. But separate the bad behavior from him. It isn’t all of him… just a small part… and if the good outweighs the bad and if he knows you love him unconditionally and nonjudgmental, he will get better. Good luck. And tell him thank you for his service.
January 16th, 2011 at 7:47 pm
No information will help you but you help yourself. Take it easy as if there is no such thing between you and your man. Remember time is the best cure.
Ander
Love is about real.
amecam.com
January 16th, 2011 at 8:18 pm
I think getting him involved with support groups with veterans is also a big thing. It’s great that you’re being very supportive as you are, but he also needs more than just you and I’m not trying to be mean. I think the Department of Veterans Affairs has places to call for help and for readjusting to civilian life again. My dad used to be a supervisor in that department.
January 16th, 2011 at 8:26 pm
You need to watch the movie, Cease Fire, with Don Johnson.It is about Vietnam vets with PTSD and will give you a great understanding of what may be going on in your BF’s head. I’m not sure if you should watch it with him, it might be too much for him to take. You could talk to him after you see it, and then maybe you can watch together. Read the review.
http://www.amazon.com/Cease-Fire-VHS-Don-Johnson/dp/6301558332
January 16th, 2011 at 8:33 pm
Contact your local VA hospital. They should be able to direct you to all kinds of resources.
January 16th, 2011 at 8:42 pm
First off – is your boyfriend an Infantryman, Airborne Infantry, Ranger or Special Forces? Cause if he is not one of those listed above… he didn’t see sh*t over there. If he is then there are a few things you can do.
1) Wait. After everyone of my deployments I had a tendency to get up in the middle of the night to “secure the area”. My now wife was a little freaked out at the beginning. But dint worry, he will slowly settle down back into normal life. It will take a few months. And even then it will pop up every now and then.
2) Listen. If he is a true Infantryman he wont tell you anything bad that happened over there. I know I refused to tell my wife about it. But just let him know you are there to hear him. Don’t ask questions if he does say anything just listen. It might just help for him to talk about it.
Other then that there is not alot to do. If things seem to get worse after a couple of months, then you need to inform someone.
January 16th, 2011 at 9:16 pm
Read about PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder)… most vets have it. True you can’t ever understand what he’s seen until you’ve been through it.. I got lucky.. I went through it too.. (sarcasm)..best thing.. don’t ask him to talk about it or pressure him to if he doesn’t want to. He probably is ever watchful of everything going on around him and might have a weapon in his car with him at all times may have a shorter fuse and a hotter temper. all you can do is tell him you are there for him if he ever needs you..